礼物
布面丙烯，180×210厘米，2020
Gift
Acrylic on Canvas, 180×210 cm, 2020
During the epidemic, I was trapped in my studio for nearly 8 months. This is both unfortunate and lucky for me. I finally got a lot of time to look through the albums and books of my art idols and find the connections between me and them. Sometimes when I learned so many amazing masterpieces they made, I often feel bad for myself and feel frustrated. However, after calculating their age and compared to mine——23, my eyes will light up again, asking myself, "How do you know that you are inferior to them?" What I will create is still unknown. Time gives me infinite possibilities, and the mystery of infinite possibilities is the thing that inspires me to create continuously.
Sometimes I talk to myself that “Don't doubt yourself that often, it's pointless. Believe that you could eventually find a place in the art world of this era!" Besides, the certain thing is that it is impossible for my idols to see my works when they were nobody, but I can see all of their great works with no limits now. Thinking of this, I am indeed very lucky and gain some advantages.
陪我度过失恋的男人们
布面丙烯，180×180厘米，2021
The Men Who Healed My Broken Heart
Acrylic on Canvas, 180×180 cm, 2021
There are two effective ways for me to relieve the uncontrollable sadness. One is karaoke, the other is watching movies. Both of these can let me get rid of my negative emotions for a while. Singing until exhausted, and then watching movies until too sleepy to be awake, this is how I survived a sad day. In the first few days of the broken-up, my ex would always appear in my dreams, doing daily things with me. I won’t realize that I was dreaming, just felt happy as she was there. But when I woke up, the sadness will be back again.
I have always been bad at managing my relationship, so inevitably, experienced many breakups. Although it is not always as painful as the first time, it does bring me a lot of trauma. Before doing this work, I was also immersed in the gray mood of leaving somebody. To make myself stronger, I painted my TV brothers who comfort me a lot at night. As the school courses and paperwork delayed the progress of this painting, when I finished this work, four months have passed away. If I didn't deliberately recall the past, I have no longer felt sad again. No matter for my OCD and my broken heart, art-making indeed has a healing effect. Aware that whatever how bad things I may meet in the future, movies, music, arts will always be there for me, I feel less afraid of being hurt and have more confidence to lead a better life.
